An unexpected change. A change of yourself that's 'suddenly there' unexpectedly. Cause the 'expected' is always your 'familiar programming'. Your usual day-to-day experience of yourself. But suddenly something 'breaks through'. A 'new you'. A new perspective and experience. This is that 'break-through' that's sitting there inside you, sort of waiting to break through. Waiting and waiting and waiting. It wants to come up and come out and break through, and it can, there is just something that's 'hindering' it. A falling back into the 'familiar programming'. A sort of 'giving up' on yourself, because you're thinking and believing that 'ah, a breakthrough will never happen'.

So it's fascinating that it's exactly that thinking pattern that's standing in the way of the break through. A continuous sort of diminishing and pulling/pushing down of yourself. Just when you're going or getting somewhere, you pull yourself back thinking 'nope, change is not for me' and so prevent the change from happening. And so you keep moving in this back and forth. Moving forward and pulling back, moving forward and pulling back, just before you get to the 'break through' and the change.

So have a look into this 'holding back' pattern wherein you're sabotaging your process of change. Just this thinking pattern that change is never going to happen for you, because it is an accepted and allowed point of 'inferiority'. A point of having a 'low self-esteem' that's actually at this point just self-sabotage. So you can make sure that your efforts to change patterns aren't going to waste just cause you keep 'holding yourself down'. So maybe have a look at the past and how this pattern has caused you to more fall back into familiar patterns than moving forward into a breakthrough. It's like you reach a point in your process of trying to change something where suddenly your mind decides that you won't allow yourself to get past that point, because if you did then you'd have a break through and you'd change. So then it makes you give up on yourself and give up right before you reach the point of real change. 

And it's just a simple point of, believe a bit more in yourself. Have a bit more faith and trust in yourself that you're able to create the change you're trying to create. Especially when it starts looking like things are tough. That's actually when you know you're almost at the breakthrough, and that's when you need to believe in yourself, that you know what you're doing and that you're going to change no matter what. It has to be a decision, to choose change. To not let your mind choose who you are. You're deciding that you're not your familiar patterns, but that you're gonna be a 'new you', and that you're going to support yourself to be and become and develop this new you in whatever way you can, until it is done. That you'll get yourself to the breakthrough point, no matter what.

This is in a way an 'alarming' color. Meaning a point within you that needs immediate attention. Something that can't be ignored. It must be dealt with and directed. A point for you to take on at this time with the tools of self-change. And that point is the pattern described above.  It can't wait any longer. Your inner you is saying it's time to change this pattern, because it is 'hurting' you. It's hurting your potential, your 'purpose', your life and your existence. There's no more time to mess around with this 'game' you've been playing with yourself, with your self-esteem. Time for Anton to make a decision. Or rather, perhaps time to recognize the IMPORTANCE and the relevance of changing this pattern. To no longer think that it doesn't really matter, or think that you and your process doesn't really matter. So the 'alarming' point here is for you to see your own importance. 

This is sort of the color of 'being ok with diminishment'. Being ok with not changing. Which is just part of the design and so also just a point to forgive. The point of believing that 'it's ok to be diminished', and that it's ok to accept yourself as diminished. And that's a point you've carried with you throughout your life. The 'acceptance of yourself as inferior' and the embracing thereof. But it's important to understand that this 'acceptance' has been a coping mechanism. Something you did because it seemed your only option. Kind of along the spirit of 'if you can't fight them, join them'. And so it's become a part of you. So here it's important to understand this particular programming. To understand why you decided that it was best to accept and embrace yourself as inferior and diminished and what 'benefit' you felt this gave you. Because it's not actually serving you. But you felt like it did at some point, so you just need to 'reverse engineer' this decision and deprogram this belief in you that you are inferior. And realize that it is just a program. Something to prevent you from recognizing your importance and relevance and the relevance of your process.

Cause it's almost like a decision that you will never be anything more than the inferiority you believe yourself to be. You won't even consider it. So therefore obviously, anytime you reach a point of 'change', your response is to draw back, cause it's just not part of who you've decided you are. If there is a point within you that's hindering you from changing then it cannot be who you really are. So this inferiority is not who you really are. But it has become a 'comfort zone' for you. Sort of like, if you keep/hold yourself down, then you don't run the risk of 'falling'. So you can always be 'comfortable'. Always in a place that you know and are familiar with. But it does require you to give up on your potential, on who you could be. So this is kind of a comfort zone for you to give up, if you want to make change real. Even though you wouldn't necessarily want to give up on it. It's just not the real you. But, at the same time it is you, so it's not to force anything either. Just to stand one and equal with it and align it to what's best for you. Looking at what you can learn from it in the principle of investigate all things and keep what is good. Cause in a way it does capture a specific expression of your beingness and that's what you want to honor, but, let go of the parts that compromise you. And do ask if you need some more perspective on this.