What are you doing? Do you even know? In all the confusion within you it's hard to tell. And you also don't want to see, exactly what it is you're doing. It's a point of shame. Something you want to look down and away from. And want to avoid facing. And are kind of waiting for it to go away on its own. Cause it's a point that makes you uncomfortable. And in the meantime you're just kind of angry, ever so slightly, that it's not going away, and that it's something you have to deal with. So have a look at what might be bothering you in this way. What is a point within you that you're actually trying to avoid? Something that's 'nagging' at you. A feeling or an experience that there's just something there you're not really looking at, but you know you should. But you don't actually want to. 

So you want to get into the what, how and why of this point. And you want to find out why you're avoiding it. So grab a pen and paper, or your computer, and start opening this up. Can't have these kind of points just nagging at you in the background. Can't be accepting yourself to sort of live a half-life, always bent and burdened by whatever points inside you that you're reluctant to face and deal with. Or well, rather this point in particular at the moment. So it's to just bite the bullet and just uncover what is 'ailing' you. Use the tools, of writing and self-forgiveness to face your fears and face even the deepest fears in you that you believe you're not able to face. Face the though things, and trust that you'll still be here, even after you do. They only actually seem tough for as long as you avoid facing them. So I can't tell you what it is exactly, that's for you to find out. I'm just encouraging you to stop wasting time beating around the bush, allowing points to go on and exist within you just because you're afraid to look at them. Need to show yourself some tough love honey, and be real with what you're afraid to look at within yourself.

What a lovely color. There's so many layers and depths to this color. Like it's unable to be defined. It's a very 'dynamic' color. Always on the move and changing form. Yet, seems like to avoid something. Like dancing and flowing around something. Always changing form and shape to never directly face or see something. A very intricate and well-trained dance for the sole purpose of avoiding something. So, just another color to show you this particular tendency you have of avoiding something at all cost. And even a personality design you've developed because you want to avoid something inside yourself. A little bit of a disingenuous trait, towards yourself. Cause at the end of the day you're the only one you're lying to. And with 'lying' I mean just not allowing yourself to see the reality of yourself - what's really there inside you, in terms of specific fears especially. You've become very good and cunning at it.

At playing games with yourself, and giving yourself the runaround, just so you wouldn't at some point come to stand face to face with the things you've decided you'll never face. Things about yourself you've buried and walled up and have created blind spots of. So, I mean, you can continue like that, also not being aware that you're doing it. Or you can, again, choose to do something about it. It's really just a matter of self-honesty. In terms of whether you're ready and willing to stop playing around and start owning up to yourself. It's a simple choice. One that you'll have to make at some point. And it's the toughest thing you'll ever do. It'll be painful, it'll be kicking and screaming. It'll be seeing things that you don't want to see, and tears and crying, and regret and shame. All that good stuff. It'll be the very thing you've been avoiding lol. Yet, in the back of your mind have been aware that this is something you need to do. That you can really only do the avoidance dance for so long. There comes a point where you must face the inevitable. A point where things 'catch up to you' and it's impossible to continue avoiding. 

Now I don't want to scare you. It's just the long-avoided truth of this existence. That things will catch up to us, and everything we've accepted and allowed will need to be faced and dealt with. So, better sooner than later. It's only about as scary as you think it is. You got this! So again, paper and pen, or computer. If you do decide that it's time, to get a little more real. You can always ask for more color readings for support as well, if you'd so choose. Just saying, there is support. Or check out the other practitioners on Space of Grace. Might be someone there that resonates with you that can help guide you through the tooth points of yourself. Someone to help open things up, but in a gentle way, so that you wouldn't feel too scared. Joe Kou is really good at that. So again just saying, if you ever need or wanted some support, it's there. You don't necessarily have to go through it alone. It's a tough process but it doesn't have to be more difficult than necessary. But yeah at the end of the day the choice is yours whether you want to walk it.

 

This looks like the point you're afraid of facing inside yourself. It's a mix between insecurity, uncertainty, doubt, anxiety, anguish, pain and regret. It's something that when you look at it, you just want to look away. Cause it 'pains' you to look at it in a way. Pain in more ways than one, emotionally speaking. It's something that 'hurts' you to even look at or consider. Something from your past that's left a mark on you. Like an emotional signature that you carry around with you always. And in a way it's understandable that you don't want to look at it. Cause it feels 'traumatic'. Emotionally traumatizing. So that response to trauma is normal. But the thing is that the more we suppress and avoid facing the trauma inside ourselves, the harder it is to actually look at it, work with it, and release it. We need to work hard at it, to make that happen. And you need to be willing to do the work. To face the 'trauma' , and do the forgiveness. Taking yourself by the hand to give yourself the support to deal with this stuff within you in the way you always should have. Because frankly, avoidance and suppression is not the right answer. 

The right answer is to go straight through the hell you're seeing. To go through the pain and embrace it, but also find a way to let it go. To assist and support yourself, through understanding and insight and realizations, which you will find in and through your writing, to see and realize that the pain is not really what it always seemed to be. The pain is more an illusion of the mind that you haven't yet pierced through. Something you're not being honest about with yourself, because you haven't been wanting to look at it. So you want to understand these experiences inside you. You want to use your writing to understand the experiences of insecurity, uncertainty, anxiety, doubt, and especially pain and regret. There's a great deal of that there, so you want to start opening that up. Yes they're unpleasant but they're screaming inside you to be seen and recognized. For you to get over this avoidance point and start getting more acquainted with yourself, through using the tools of writing and self-forgiveness. It's not that hard, just takes a little push in the right direction. So you're just gonna have to push yourself a little bit, to jumpstart yourself in your process of uncovering and getting to know who you are. 

You just need a hand from yourself to show you the way into the parts of you that matter. The parts of you that are hurting and need attention. That need some nourishing gentle guidance. And you have to give it to yourself. There's no other way around it. Getting hands on here, and fleshing out what needs to be fleshed out. It will be difficult to look at it and walk it, but if you focus on facing the shame, facing the definition(s) of yourself and accepting the dark side of yourself the process will move much faster. So don't waste any more time on avoidance, and ask for guidance with anything that is a bit confusing to you at the moment. Cause there'll be a bit of confusion about all this. But the key is to have a starting point. To for instance start with looking at your experiences. The emotional experiences that are a bit more tough to look at. That you're afraid to look at. It's that fear that would be what you can look at first.