You're not alone. You think you are, but you're not. You've sort of twisted and contorted and wrapped yourself up into a knot of perceiving yourself to be alone. Into a belief system that you're so 'motherlessly' alone. And that there's nothing that can be done about it. It's just 'in your stars'. It's your fate. To never know what it's like to have real togetherness or community. And it's something you've 'resigned' yourself to. But it's kind of a 'sad' point because you know this isn't the real you, on some level. Just something you believe you can't change. Nobody can relate, and nobody stands with you. So it's not like you choose to be alone. Just seems like that's the way it is, on a very real level. 

But you also actually prefer it this way. It's how you operate best. With nobody seeing you or knowing you're even there. But is this really the real you? Or more a persona you've come to embody because you believe that's what it means to be 'responsible'? But is that what responsibility really is? It seems logical, but logic isn't always right. Particularly in this instance. It's coming from this space of thinking more about who/how you should be, than really being yourself. So that's why there's this conflict going on internally. You're just not letting yourself be. But placing a lot of expectations and demands on yourself. And just watching yourself fail those. And watching yourself be a 'failure'. Thinking/believing that's who you are. Which isn't an easy thing to face. Especially when you believe it to be real.

But it's not actually real. You've just gotten kind of tangled up in what you believe you must expect of yourself, that's all. So it's all an illusion, as per usual lol. Just got lost for a moment but now you're found. Just don't get lost again lol. Remember who you really are. Not big and complex, but simple and child-like. Unworried and not concerned with any of this stuff that's burdening you. Just you, Leila. And that's all there is to it. Doesn't have to be much more than that. So no more expectations and no more demands. And whatever you think you need to worry about, you don't actually. So stop being such a worry-wart. Nothing to worry about. Don't give attention to what you shouldn't be giving attention to. So that's the gist of it. You're not lost, and you're not a failure. And stop the theatrics lol, it's really unnecessary. You wouldn't want to wish this on anyone else, would you? So don't do it to yourself. You are Leila, and you need to be honored, and recognized, and supported. So you can lift your head up, and greet the sun, and have the sun greet you, in that carefree dance that you sing to the world. Where none of this stuff exists. Where the world is your oyster. And things are serene, and peaceful, and life blossoms. A place that you give to others as well, where there's nothing but abundant potential, and where you see nothing but the good. And there's always a knowing that things will be alright. Always a looking forward, cause you are life.

That's what life is. That STANDING. That sort of hopefulness in a way. A 'childish optimism'. To know I AM HERE, and I will always be here, and it is done. Say it with me Leila: I am HERE, and I will always be here, and it is done. Some good old fashioned belief in yourself. 'Oh but no, I can't believe in myself!' But you'll believe in that belief, and in fear. And keep yourself small. So come on Leila, you can do it. Just that one step further.