This color has 'life' in it. A passion for life. To 'get to know' life. To pursue it and find out what it's all about. Like seeing 'LIFE' in big bold letters standing there outside of you. Something you don't yet know and are curious about. 

But something to be wary of, is the illusion of seeing 'life' as something that's 'not you'. Getting lost in the idea that it's not just 'you' that you're looking for, but that it's something separate from you. So it's your relationship with yourself to have a look at there. And, why are you not recognizing life in and as you? Why is it so hard for you to sort of stay where you are, with yourself, and be at peace and calm with yourself? Why the 'jitteryness' and the anxiety driving and pushing you away from yourself?

You should have a look at what it is you fear or judge about yourself. What it is that makes you feel uncomfortable with yourself, and why you're not accepting yourself. Cause that'll be your 'portal' to life. You delving in to your relationship with yourself, to find and realize life within and as you. Or where you'll find life only exists. It doesn't exist 'out there' anywhere. It's actually already here. Just need to realize it as you, through learning to embrace you and be ok with yourself, and through stopping that tendency to to sort of want to jump out of your own skin and chase after something outside of yourself. 

Cause your biggest 'challenge' is yourself and your relationship with yourself. It's the one thing you've been trying to get away from throughout your life. But it's also the one key to realizing 'life'. So have a look at any experiences within you of resisting spending time alone with yourself, and what that's showing you in terms of the thought constructs that are creating separation from yourself. Thought constructs like where you believe you're not good enough, where you are hard and judgmental with yourself, and where you reject yourself because of those judgments. All the ways you're not treating yourself with kindness and are more focused on what's outside of you than what's inside of you. That's pretty much your 'lesson' with this color. How to make yourself the center of your attention and make 'life' just the process of getting to know yourself, and drawing deeper and closer into yourself. And learning to be comfortable with yourself and find peace with and within yourself

This color's like an 'apathy'. Or rather a 'not knowing what to do with yourself', and therefore going into apathy. Like just not feeling or seeing a purpose for yourself just yet. It's just a big grey area. Something unknown and undefined and therefore non-existent. And so you kind of just sit down, staring into nothingness, and aimlessness. And end up more preoccupying yourself with distractions, just cause you don't really know what else to do, and what direction to give to your life. So you just feel kind of 'stuck', with nothing to do but the usual distractions.

So it's like you want to move forward in your life and create and find and live a purpose, but you just don't see it. It's like there's no creativity there to even come up with something you could do. There's just 'nothing'. Nothing but grey skies that aren't letting you see the potential or possibilities that lie beyond it. 

So it's an interesting design, this sort of belief that there's a 'cap' on your ability to create and be and do things. And that all there is to you and all you can do is just kind of mess around with menial, mediocre, irrelevant things - as though 'you're just not that important', and there's not really a future for you. Or that a future is 'just not meant for you'. Because you're 'not good enough' in some way. 

So have a look here at why you feel this way. What in your life made you decide that you are not important enough to have a purpose and a future? What made you make yourself ‘small’ and ‘meaningless’? What made you give up on yourself in a way? Give up on your place in this world, and your right to express yourself and be someone, as you accept yourself as 'mediocre', 'plain' and 'unimportant'. Need to find the programming there. 

 

This is like a 'love for procrastination'. A love for distraction. For messing around and not taking anything very seriously. In terms of the direction of your life, and what you're doing with your life. Your future and what you want to do with it. Cause it does matter, even though it may feel like it doesn't. It matters because you matter. And it's something you have to realize. That your life, your future, your decisions and your purpose matters. But also that you have to create it. That you have to actively go out of your way to design your life. To find out what you like and enjoy and ask yourself how you could create that in your life. As a point of showing yourself that you care. That you care enough about yourself to take charge and direction of your life and create and build something you will be satisfied with. Cause within procrastination, self-care is a bit lacking. Within the underlying thoughts and beliefs that you're 'not important enough' or that your life doesn't matter enough for you to put in the effort to make something of it, and of yourself in this world.

So don't fall into the trap of feeling positive about procrastination. Don't trust the positive experiences. Rather have a look at what you're really doing when you go into it. You're sabotaging your time. Wasting your time that you could be using to figure out what you want to do with your life and how to do it. You're allowing your life to go to waste, and that is self-abuse. You need to stop taking yourself for granted and stop believing that your life in particular has no meaning or purpose in this world. You're not realizing your purpose or potential because you've accepted this belief that you aren't able or capable of making a difference in the world.

And you don't feel like the world cares about you, or about your expression. So you don't see the point in expressing yourself because 'nobody would care anyways'. So since people see you as meaningless, you'll see yourself as meaningless, and you'll preoccupy yourself with meaningless things. And you won't pursue anything. So, don't bother so much with what other people may think. You just focus on yourself and on doing what's best for you. You are your responsibility. And so it's time you focused on you. And mind what you do with your time. Don't just waste it on thinking about what others think about you.