This color sort of feels like a 'complete giving up on yourself'. Like you have zero faith in yourself and you've let yourself sink to the bottom of the ocean. And you let yourself stay there because you don't believe you have in any way the capacity to let lift yourself back up. You don't believe you have the capacity to do anything. And you don't see how you could change that either. It's again that point of 'stuckness'. Just feeling completely stuck without seeing any way out. And so having given up on any potential or possibility for self-change. You just don't see yourself doing it, with where you're at and your experience of yourself. Just seems so utterly hopeless. And sure you wish you could but you kind of feel like it's too late for you. You're absolutely convinced of your 'stuckness'.

You're thinking 'what's the use? It's too late for me anyways. Might as well give up completely.' Soo feeling completely defeated. Completely, completely defeated lol. If you could feel more defeated than defeated, that's how you feel. So how do you get back from that? If you've already decided that you've given up on yourself. What can you do? Not much. I mean, cause it's in your hands. It's your power of decision. If you decide it's too late, it's too late. If you decide that you're too far gone, then you are. Because, you are LIFE, aren't you? And as life, you decide what life is. So what are you going to do? As life, what's the decision you're going to make? Are you going to keep things the same, or will you DECIDE to change? It's really that simple. All comes down to a decision. Your decision. Of what do you see is best for life, as you. Who will you be? Will you be best for all as life, or will you be the mind as what's not best for all? The mind as giving up, depression, suppression, neglect, abandonment, hopelessness, helplessness, stuckness, agony and suffering. 

I mean if you choose the mind, there's really no limit to how deep that rabbit hole goes. You WILL self-destruct. As that is simply the design of the mind. The Mayans saw it. That's why their predictions was that the world would end around this time. Cause they calculated the future based on the mind's trajectory and where it would inevitably end up. The mind's design is destruction. So if you want to be life, you need to DELIBERATELY course to, against all odds, do what is best. Even when everything inside of you is telling you to give up on yourself. You need to find it within yourself to not do what will inevitably destroy you, but to rather do the constructive and supportive thing. And ask yourself, 'how could I support myself?'. Cause the mind isn't going to give you the answer either. You have to figure it all out yourself. How to 'change your programming' from self-destruction to self-support. But again, it can be just a decision. To change on the spot. To take everything that is of destructiveness within you and change it into support. Because in a way, if change isn't as easy as just as decision, then it isn't real, because then that means you're still looking at yourself as a 'victim' of what you're going through, rather than the creator and the directive/decisive principle. Rather than RESPONSIBLE for life as you know it. 

So also have a look at this point, of things feeling like they're a battle and a struggle. Of change feeling like it's a struggle and something really hard. Then you know you're not actually taking responsibility for what you're trying to change. So remind yourself, change should be as simple and easy as breath. As a decision. Of you just saying 'I change'. Anything other than that and you should know that you're fucking with yourself. So stop fucking with yourself. Make the decision right here and right now to change. To 'do whatever it takes'. To 'never give up'. To 'believe in yourself'. To 'unconditionally support yourself'. And then say 'it is done'. 'I as life have made this decision in this moment, and so it is done'. It's that simple. Any doubts that come up, or thoughts that 'it's not going to work' or 'I don't have this ability' - that's your mind. Don't listen to it. You have to be the directive. That means, not some voice in your head, but you deciding who you are and what's real.

Cause also realize, that it's an addiction at this point. The mind is. Self-destruction. Meaning that, you've been listening to the mind for so long it's now second nature. Or rather it IS your nature. It's 'become' your nature. So yes it's not going to be easy necessarily. But then at the same time, it's as easy as a decision. But that's something you'll have to discover for yourself, through walking your process.

This is the color of sort of 'knowing what to do but not wanting to do it'. Like, you actually know exactly what to do. You know all of it. But you have such resistance to actually doing what you know you should do, that you'll more often just decide to not do it. And you'll give yourself all sorts of excuses and justifications and reasons for why you apparently 'can't'. So you can 'feel good' in a way about not doing it. Or rather feel justified. As if there's somebody listening.

I mean it's just you in there. And the only one you're fooling is you. The only one listening to your excuses, reasons and justifications is you. And the only one believing them is you. So you can just drop it. Just stop fooling yourself lol. You're intelligent enough. You see things. You're not dumb. You know and see more than you let on and than you tell yourself. You just like playing dumb because you don't want to put in the work you know you have to lol. Cause you have a laziness issue in a way. Laziness as in, seeing what you need to do but not doing it, because you don't 'feel like it'.

And I know, laziness makes you feel 'powerful' in a way. Makes you feel like you have the 'power' to decide what to do. Like at the end of the day, YOU decide whether you're going to do something or not. Not anyone else telling you 'what you should do'. Like a kid sticking their tongue out at being told what to do. Because they don't want to be told what to do. They don't want to 'follow orders'. So they feel powerful in being able to say 'no! I won't do what you tell me!'. I mean it's kind of similar. You're kind of doing the same thing. In spite of knowing what you 'should do', you choose not to. Just because you can. Because you have that 'power'. 

And fair enough, you do have that 'power'. But have you ever asked yourself, what it is that's making you 'not want to do it'? Why you feel that way. And why you feel inclined to make the decision to NOT do what you can clearly see is best for you. Cause if you don't understand where that decision comes from, you're in trouble. That means you're controlled. And that you ARE 'following orders', you're just not aware of whose orders. 'Something' inside you is telling you to stick your tongue out and not do what you're supposed to. The question is, do you know what? Are you aware of who or what is pulling the strings? Cause if it isn't you seeing what's best for you, then you need to ask yourself: who or what is? 

I mean, you need to get to know you mind. Get to know what's behind these impulses, cause it sure as hell isn't who you really are. 

 

What are you doing?! Lol. This color is again in similar vein to the other colors. But here stressing this particular point that's come up in all of them. The 'bottom line'. The 'main thread'. What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing?!  Or, what are you NOT doing?! NOT supporting yourself. NOT doing what's best for you. And just sort of 'messing around'. Messing around, allowing things to get worse and worse.  'Dicking around'. This is the color of 'get your act together!', in not so subtle terms. Of, 'you're wasting precious time!'. And time is not for free. Time is perhaps the most valuable commodity of them all. The one thing you DON'T want to waste. 

So don't take this the wrong way. I don't have it out for you, and I'm not trying to make you feel bad. But you need to WAKE UP. For your own sake. Cause once your time is up, it's up. You don't get another try. You get one life, to do with what you want. But you need to ask yourself, 'is this really what I want?' is this really how I want to spend this one life that I've got?

You need to get real with yourself. And have a look at what you've been avoiding to look at. Your responsibility in relation to yourself. What you've been doing to and with yourself. And why you haven't been changing. And yes it's tough. But man, you gotta. Just find some care in your heart for yourself. Find it within you to do the hard things. Challenge yourself to do something you've never done before, and take that attitude of sticking your tongue out and turn it around. Stick your tongue out to the mind and say 'I know you're telling me not to, but I'm gonna do it anyways!' I'm gonna go against all odds and do something I would never expect from myself! Just because I can! 

See that's what it means to change. It's simple stuff. You take what is already here and just use it in a way that is more constructive. Doesn't have to be rocket science. In a lot of ways you already have a lot of gifts and abilities and potentials. You've just allowed the mind to use them against you. But you can turn it around. You can take all of yourself, all of your 'bad habits' and all of the ways you've been self-destructive, and investigate how to use them in a way that's constructive. Turn your weaknesses into strengths. Don't throw out the baby with the bath-water as they say. Look at it like this: you're already perfect. Everything is already within you. It's just not being utilized effectively. Because the mind does not have your best interests at heart, so it's basically taken all of you and turned it into something self-destructive. But that's not the real you. You just need to sort of reverse engineer yourself now. Find out how you tick, as in the mechanics of 'you', and find a better way to put it all back together again. I believe in you - you've got it in you 😉.