You really have people’s best interests at heart. You have a good head on your shoulders, as they say. You know what’s important and you place that first in what you do. You don’t lose sight of what matters, which is easy enough to do in this world.

And it can be tough sometimes, figuring out how to not compromise your values and principles while still trying to make a living. Cause this world is almost designed to make you eventually give up on those values and principles. It chips away at it bit by bit until you lose all hope. Or rather, until you end up believing that it is simply impossible to have values or principles in this world and live by them. And you end up feeling like the world made you abandon your principles. Because, you tried, but it was just impossible. No matter how much you care, the world seems to make it impossible to really ‘do the right thing’. You’re sort of forced to just ‘fend for yourself’ and be in competition with others. Even if you have a good heart and you actually just want to help. All that ‘goodheartedness’ turns bitter and resentful. Cause you just want to be a good person but how are you supposed to do that when the world is not giving you the opportunity to.

And then that ‘kind and gentle heart’ actually eventually becomes a ‘heart of steel’, as you ‘steel yourself’ against the hopelessness and powerlessness that you feel at your inability to be who you really are and at having had to compromise yourself just to survive and live in this world. And as you dare not to feel anymore, or care anymore, because in your experience this world just takes those feelings and turns them into suffering. Almost as though the world punishes people for caring. So you hide your care. You hide it far away, so that you don’t end up getting hurt. And you’ve figured that it’s easier just not to feel at all, than to put yourself out there and just ending up getting hurt anyways.

And it’s also made you quite disillusioned with this world. Because you’ve just felt that you’ve been sabotaged at every turn. Anytime you tried to do something to express your care and kindness, the world was there to squash that expression. And to tell you ‘don’t bother’. Anybody that cares is not welcome here. So you just haven’t quite figured out how to express who you know you genuinely are, without having it blow up in your face so to speak, and without all your efforts going to waste, and sometimes even turning out the opposite than you intended. And within that, you’ve sort of given up on yourself. Given up on the possibility of ever expressing yourself. You've buried your expression deep down inside you. And you've decided, or rather you've accepted, that you won't ever be able to express the real you.

So unfortunately this is reality. And it's a thing that you kind of have to accept. That reality is basically designed to sabotage who you really are. Designed to make you give up on yourself. Designed to make you feel exactly this way. Reality as 'the system' is not going to support who you really are in any way, ever. It is going to do the exact opposite of that. And it takes quite a bit of will and courage to make that statement of 'who I really am is stronger than this world', and to express yourself in spite of everything. But that is exactly what is needed. That will and that courage to, against all odds, still honor yourself and still be true to yourself. To know that you must be the seed, as well as the soil, and the water, and the nutrients, for life to sprout and come forth within you. It all has to come from you. Because if you give up, then life is doomed forever.

So you just need to find a way to be your own seed/soil/water/nutrients. To give yourself the support that you need to express who you really are. And to let go of any expectations for that support to come from the world around you. It won't. You have to be the living example, of what it means to really LIVE and EXPRESS the real you.

 

This color is the color of 'inner sanctuary'. Of having a very rich inner world and life. Lots of insights and wisdom. Like a castle or an entire town or landscape that you've carefully constructed and built with your own hands. You've spent a lot of time and effort on building, constructing and developing this 'inner you'. And you've taken a lot of responsibility for 'who you are' inside, to build and create and develop yourself into someone that you can be proud of. Someone who is 'solid', with a 'solid foundation'. A true 'mensch'. You've put the kind of focus, care and attention to detail in developing your inner self, like someone who crafts miniature figurines or little model airplanes or dollhouses. Being extremely specific, thorough, thoughtful and careful.

And in a way you're 'done' with self-development. In a way you've perfected yourself internally. There's not much more to perfect.  You're done looking inward. It's now time for you to look outward. And to start with sharing yourself, and expressing yourself. But for you that's a whole different ballgame. You're only used to focusing on who you are 'internally', that you've never really considered focusing on who you are 'externally'. You're so used to sort of existing alone within yourself, within your own self-constructed inner kingdom, that you never really considered it possible even to 'share' that 'inner richness'. You kind of feel like you're so used to it being completely quiet within yourself, that to sort of 'open the doors' and share yourself might create too many 'ripples'. You can't even imagine what it would be like, and what it might do to that 'inner sanctuary' that you've got going on.

So there is a lot of apprehensiveness, and you don't really want to 'open up' and 'express yourself'. I mean in a way you don't even know where to begin. It's just not 'you'. You've never ever expressed yourself. You've more resigned yourself to the idea that self-expression is just not for you. That you couldn't possibly express who you are inside. Not in this world. But you need to actually stop focusing on yourself internally. Because the thing is, that your 'inner world' is not actually yours to keep. It is part of life, and so needs to be shared equally.

The idea is that there is a constant give and receive. That you receive insights, wisdom and inner richness, and then give, share and express it. That's what it means to take responsibility for yourself as life. To not just keep all the 'wealth' to yourself, but to share and give equally as you have and receive. So you have a lot of sharing and giving to do. But you'll have to learn and develop that first. Learn how to break through that 'shell' or the 'cocoon' that you've been keeping yourself in. Learn how to express the things you see. To not hold on to it and store it away inside yourself. But to have a 'flow' going of expressing in the moments when you see something. Or, if you cannot express it in that moment, to find some way to 'create' in this world. Through vlogging or blogging or other creative ways of sharing and self-expression. 

And hold on to your silence. No matter how or what you express, hold the silence here within you. Where your external expression is thus no different from your internal expression, and there are no 'ripples' occurring. And so you are simply creating within your outer reality a reflection of what already exists in your inner reality. Same process, there's no difference. Same process of purifying, correcting, with patience and perseverance and attention to detail. Just on a much bigger scale now, and working with a lot of different dimensions that you have yet to walk through and understand and get to know. It'll be your next project, to create and develop that 'sanctuary' in this world.

But you have a certain 'pain' that you have to get over first. That's what this color is.  Your 'pain' in relation to 'expressing yourself', and the reason why you've never done it. Because you think that people will hurt you. That the world will hurt you. Because you already feel hurt inside. Whether that comes from memories or what, doesn't matter, because it's there. A deep feeling of being hurt by people. And it's the sort of pain you feel you can never forgive. Almost feels like you're being torn apart inside. Like the flesh being torn from your bones. Such a deeprooted pain. A pain that goes through the soul like a knife. A pain that would make you close the doors on the world and create an inner sanctuary where it's always peaceful and quiet. And that would cause you to decide to 'never again' open those doors. Because it's too unbearable.

And it's not really a pain that you ever allow yourself to experience or come close to within yourself. It's always nicely buried. But you are reminded of it every time you even think about expressing yourself. The pain you experience in relation to people. The pain of 'what people have done to you'. A pain that makes you feel like falling to your knees and wailing and crying uncontrollably. And that makes you feel like you will never stop crying or hurting. So all this time you just didn't know what to do with this pain inside you, other than to hold it against people, and blame people, and just decide to never express yourself.

And yes there's no denying that you've been hurt. But the question really is: Can you forgive yourself? Can you allow yourself to let go of the pain? Can you embrace yourself and comfort yourself and let go of all the pain you've been holding on to and putting yourself through all this time? Can you give yourself back to yourself, and give yourself another chance at life? Can you stop putting yourself through what's been done to you and just release and let go already? And maybe ask yourself: Why are you still holding on to this pain? Just because something's been done onto you, doesn't mean you have to make yourself relive it over and over again. Why would you even do that? Where is the sense in that?

What was done to you was someone else's pain, and you have to understand that. That it was someone else trying to inflict and transfer their pain onto you. Which they did successfully. So just forgive them, and let go. And let them deal with their own pain as they will have to find a way to forgive themselves as well. Because there is a lot of pain in this world, within a lot of people. And you can't be taking on people's pain, cause that's just no way to live. So rather start recognizing this 'pain' existent within people, and instead of taking it on, rather be a point of comfort and calm and quiet. So that perhaps people may find a way to forgive themselves. Have mercy on their souls, for they are in great pain, and they need someone to guide them back to themselves.