This color feels like there is something within you that you just can't seem to 'get past' or 'break through'. Like you are 'stagnating' and 'stuck' inside yourself. And you just don't know how or what to do. You're kind of feeling lost and 'at a loss'. And you just want some guidance to know what to do. Because you believe that you truly don't know. That you're blind and lost to what is going on and so unable to help yourself. But it's actually more a deliberate 'lostness' and 'blindness'.

It's like you are deliberately blindsiding yourself and 'playing coy'. While you actually know very well. You actually know a lot, and see a lot. But you don't WANT to see. And you've kind of decided that you will do anything to just not see. Cause you're really afraid. Afraid of facing yourself. Or rather, you're afraid of what you think and believe you will face if you faced yourself. An evil monster, or a really bad person. And so you believe that it's just better not to face yourself. Cause there's just no way that you want to see all that 'evil'.

So the 'laziness' is more just a resistance to what you believe you will face if you ever really took responsibility for yourself. The apparent 'badness' of you. The 'badness' you are convinced is there. You basically just don't want to think of yourself as a 'bad person'. And it's like this definitive decision within you, that you simply WILL NOT go there.

Because you have a 'trauma' in relation to 'being bad'. Something in your past that made you basically feel so bad about yourself, that now you're in a way trying to protect yourself from going through that same trauma again. Just doing what you feel is best for you. Just making yourself feel good to avoid 'feeling bad'. Because you've decided that the trauma is just too bad, and that the only thing you can do is just suppress it. And sort of create a 'barrier' inside yourself - a line of yellow tape - around the area inside yourself that you've decided is 'dangerous'. Because, you're just trying to protect yourself and keep yourself safe from harm. Or at least safe from what it is you've perceived as 'harmful' inside yourself. 

But that 'protection', if anything, it actually creates even more fear, which then again needs more layers of suppression. And so you go on and on, until you've just become so filled up with fear you feel like you're drowning in it. So the question becomes, what's a way of dealing with all this that's more effective? A way that's truly 'best for you'. What is it that you actually NEED? I mean, if you look at anything in this world that's considered 'dangerous' and that is met with fear. Things that are perceived as monsters or demons or evil or bad. All they really need is just a little understanding. A little attention and support. Nothing is ever just 'bad' or 'evil', only misunderstood. And oftentimes, also just extremely neglected and ignored. 

So you just need a little understanding. Or rather you need to learn to be more understanding, rather than being so 'reactive'. Cause you have that tendency to almost, with any small thing that comes up, immediately be triggered to go into fear, and to immediately go into 'self-protection mode'. Rather than just breathing, calming yourself down first, and realizing that nothing is ever as bad as fear makes it seem. Fear is like a little devil that likes to go 'BOO!!', to have you run away scared rather than just see reality for what it is. And it tries to keep you away from your UNDERSTANDING of reality. Because when you understand reality, you are powerful. Powerful in terms of things being more 'clear' and 'simple'. You see who you are and what you need to do, and things are more 'simple'.

So start working on your understanding. To 'soften up' that immediate reaction of fear to things. To more respond with 'breath' and breathing, rather than fear. And work on creating a CALM inside yourself. Cause you want your first response to things to be calm, rather than an overreaction. That is real self-directive power.

This color is a part of you that you have somewhat 'neglected' throughout your life. This 'soft inner core'. And it's something that you should really start rediscovering. The 'softness' of you. The you that is in a way the opposite of that tendency to be so reactive within fear. The you that is capable of forgiving and understanding and embracing and that is 'eternally soft'.

Yes, society only supports that which is 'hard' and 'tough', like fear and reactiveness and competition. Society only cares about 'survival', and completely neglects and disregards 'life'. So you have to start paying more attention to 'life' than to survival. I mean sure, survival is important. But survival is easy, to an extent. It's to just follow along with the system. You already know how to do that, and you've been doing it your whole life. 

It's to lean more towards the soft and gentle, than towards survival. It'll be a challenge. But you can do it. You've got it in you, literally. Just need to stop 'giving in' to your desire to participate in 'survival'. Yes, it's a desire within you. A 'drive' and a sort of 'enthusiasm' to want to put ALL your attention and efforts into 'survival'. In 'making money' and 'accumulating possessions', and having more and more and more money! It's a sort of drug and addiction for you. But you end up losing yourself in it. Your beingness 'self'. 

So learn to be 'soft and gentle' with yourself. And you actually already have been in ways. So then look at where/how you aren't yet being soft and gentle with yourself, and what could use a little more softness and gentleness. And how you can be more soft and gentle with yourself. 

Any new 'project' will always be exceedingly difficult at first, and may even at times seem impossible. But don't worry, you've got this ;)

This image tested out for you. It's not about the colors, and also not about the 'color blindness'. It's more about what the image 'looks like'. What specifically the bread with the olives, the leaf of parsley and garlic on top of it looks like. It actually kind of looks like... a vagina lol. I mean I didn't even see it at first. Paul had to point it out to me. That for someone with a 'porn mind', this could look like a vagina. And now I’m not implying that’s a ‘bad’ thing or anything like that.

Just having a look at ‘why’ this particular image came up for you and what it is showing/saying, and what particularly it has to do with the ‘porn mind’. So now, we’ll look at a color to see what exactly the ‘point’ is that’s important with regards to this image and what it’s showing.

 

This color is showing a certain ‘intensity’ that is almost ‘painful’. Like really, REALLY wanting something. An intense, burning desire that almost ‘hurts’. And you would just consume, consume, consume until there’s nothing left. It’s that kind of ‘insatiable hunger’ that just devours everything, and then still isn’t satisfied. A hunger that has no ‘master’ so to speak. That is uncontrollable and unstoppable, that doesn’t know right from wrong and doesn’t listen to anything or anyone.

Almost like a caged animal, that’s been kept in captivity and starved for years and years and years, and is then released. And all it can think about is ‘food, food, food!’, and it will pretty much keep eating until it dies. Because with having been starved for so long, it now does not know its limits.

So when it comes to porn, it’s something you’ve been ‘starving’ for. And it’s been driving you crazy cause it’s all you can think about. To just satisfy that desire, that craving. And to be able to feel and experience that energy fulfilment inside you. Cause it’s the one point that sort of gives you everything you’ve been looking for. Just like the ‘food’ for the starved animal is the only thing that would fill the emptiness inside.

So the thing is, that you have to be honest with yourself about just how much of a ‘hold’ this point has on you. To not think that it’s just a minor point, or sort of sweep it under the rug thinking that it’s not a big deal. You need to really give it attention and accept and realize that it’s a bigger ‘issue’ within yourself than you may have been assuming. And especially if you want to in any way change it, you have to first really embrace it. Be like, “Hi I’m Fred and I am addicted to porn”. And do what you must to support yourself. Because what you’ve been trying hasn’t really worked so far. So you may find that you need different approaches. You may have to search a little bit to find something that does work for you. Everyone is different.

And it’s also nothing to be embarrassed about. We’re all different, and we all have our ‘demons’, our ‘addictions’ and possessions. And we’re all responsible for what exists inside of us. So just realize that ‘this is your demon’, and you better sort of make friends with it and see it for what it is, so you can empower yourself to find solutions. So you can work ‘with’ the addiction, instead of the addiction undermining you every step of the way.

And so you can start to get to know the addiction as a part of you. Get to know who you are within and as this addiction. A sort of neglected part of you that all this time you’ve been trying to ‘suppress’ and haven’t really been wanting to ‘deal with’. Cause, without trying to sound sentimental, maybe this part of you was so ‘starving’ and ‘empty’ for your attention if anything, and just needs a little love.

So to bring this again back to the image, it’s just vegetables, on some bread, lol. If you are finding yourself looking at reality and seeing anything other than what is there – and your brain is basically going ‘food, food, food’ (or in your case, ‘porn, porn, porn’) – that’ll also give you a good reference of where you’re at in relation to the addiction point. And even if you happen to see a vagina, it’s just a vagina. There shouldn’t be any experiences coming up. It is just what it is, nothing less nothing more. So that again is also just your cross-reference, if your mind is reacting to images, turning it into ‘sex’ and ‘porn’ to get that energy. Then you know you are ‘starving’ inside for your own attention.