This color, even though it looks lovely, is actually quite an ‘angry’ color lol. But it’s like an anger hiding behind a positive exterior. Or rather even ‘woven into’ the positivity. Like it’s been transformed and converted into something ‘positive’. Kind of like smiling with gritted teeth. Almost like whatever positive energy this is, it’s just anger energy that’s been cranked up to give it a higher, more ‘positive’ frequency lol. And in a way it’s because you can’t be angry for some reason, so you figured you’ll just take all your anger and hide it all in this ‘positivity’. So that nobody would ever see that you’re actually seriously angry lol. So at this point it’s not ‘anger’ anymore, it’s more just your ‘normal’ sort of self-experience. Woven into the very fabric of ‘you’.

But really this ‘anger’ is so great because there is an equally great sort of ‘sadness’ behind it. An unexpressed part of you that has been so ‘bottled up’ and suppressed so much for so long that it’s ‘roaring’ to be heard.  But you’ve sort of ‘resigned’ yourself to never expressing that part of you and to letting it go unexpressed. At this point you feel like ‘there’s just no way’. You just don’t see a way for things to not be the way they are and have been. Like I mentioned, it’s ‘woven into’ the fabric of you – a completely accepted part of ‘who you are’ – so how could you possibly change that?

But, there’s still a desire to express. You haven’t completely given up on yourself. You just don’t see ‘how’, so for right now it’s remaining just a suppressed point. But there’s definitely a frustration at just not finding a way. Cause you’re very impatient with yourself. Very ‘pushy’. Going ‘come on, come on! Do it already! Hurry! Hurry! What’s taking you so long?!’ Very much sort of not understanding the process that it takes to do something. But almost being like a privileged little prince, expecting everything to happen at the snap of a finger and not understanding how things really work. And also not understanding how this pushy attitude actually will sabotage the process of doing anything. And you’re just deliberately creating more and more frustration.

It’s almost as though there’s this polarity within you, where on the one hand you’re this prince, or ‘royalty’, who is so far removed from reality as he sits on his throne in his palace and has everything done for him that he has no concept or understanding of reality, while on the other hand you’re the ‘slave’ or the ‘worker’/’servant’ who is sort of just ‘putting up with’ the whims and wiles of the prince on his throne throwing out orders, and who is trying to do it all but is simply realistically incapable. And he kind of knows that what’s expected of him is unrealistic but he doesn’t say anything cause he’s accepted himself as ‘just a slave/worker/servant’. He’s used to not expressing himself and just following orders, even when they’re unrealistic. It’s basically two extreme worlds, which would obviously create a lot of issues when it comes to ‘self-expression’ and ‘self-creation’. If anything it creates a ‘reluctance’ and a ‘resistance’ and an ‘aversion’ to anything to do with having to ‘work’ or ‘do things’ in this world and reality. Cause that ‘slave’/’worker’/’servant’ in you is basically just sick and tired of it, since all that they’re used to is being used and abused and ‘bossed around’ by that little prince on his throne who has no idea what it’s like to be on the receiving end of his royal, childish neediness.

So a part of you just doesn’t want to move, and rightfully so actually. They’re just ‘done’. They’re kind of like, ‘I’m not moving until I get some recognition, and some understanding and support.’ And meanwhile that prince in you is going ‘giddyup!’, completely oblivious that the ‘worker’ is giving up. That they’re done. They’ve had enough. They won’t, no CAN’T take any more orders. Cause after all those years of abuse, neglect and lack of consideration, their spirits have died down. They just want to take a long nap. A looooooong, intense, deep, nap.

So the prince better learn to work together with the worker. And have some appreciation and understanding and consideration for the worker. And take a FUCKING step back lol. Cause he ain’t getting anything done if he doesn’t. That worker better get some workers comp lol. So there has to be an amalgamation between these two extremes, so that you can move effectively forward. So you can actually feel like your self-expression has support and you can actually move your SELF. And let go of the anger.

This color feels very 'useful' lol. Like the color of 'helping out', and being of great support. Where, even though you may not be seen very clearly, you are very much 'here', 'helping out', and of great impact and importance. And that is something that you tend to not see, realize or consider about yourself. The impact that you do have and the importance and influence that you do have in beings' lives.

That, sometimes just with your resonance and your presence, you are actually greatly assisting another person. And that maybe you tend to focus more on 'what you do' as your 'physical actions', wherein you feel inadequate, and that makes you want to give up on yourself. Cause you're thinking, 'I don't do all that much, so what value could I have?'.

But what you don't see is that, even though you have such low 'self-esteem' and think so little of yourself, you're still moving. You're not ACTUALLY giving up on yourself. And however 'hopeless' you may believe you are, against all odds, you're still doing it. Cause at the end of the day, you genuinely want to 'help' and be here. You're just sort of your own worst enemy and tend to make it very difficult for yourself to just express who you are lol. And you don't see how much you ARE actually doing. And how much you ARE helping out. And it's unfortunate because it's almost like the fact that you don't see this is what ultimately  then persuades you to 'give up'.

You don't recognize the immense support other beings derive from you being here. And that your presence is like a brick in a house, which if you were to take it out, would make the whole house unstable. Because yes your programming is that of believing your presence to be 'inconsequential' and 'not important'. So you feel as though it's 'easy' for you to sort of turn your back and walk away, as though you were never here to begin with.

And yes, maybe that is related to how you've experienced yourself in the past and how you've learned to view and perceive yourself. But maybe it's also time to give up the past and see what is HERE. Which is that you are very 'important'. That you have a 'place'. A 'location point'. And that the process of existence needs you in order to move forward. Cause in a way your 'resonance' is what gives people stability. It's like a very solid, almost 'comforting' sort of 'reassurance'. Like I said, 'great support'. Just need to have a bit more recognition for yourself. And start taking yourself more seriously in a way.

This is an interesting color that’s sort of ‘moving through you’. A new/different expression that’s ‘emerging’. A really cool one. A ‘wind of change’. Of considering new perspectives and ‘sailing a new course/direction’ and/or ‘turning the ship around’. Finding a new hope in a way, or a light on the horizon. Realizing that maybe all is not hopeless. A cautiously allowing yourself to ‘have faith in yourself’. And also an enjoyment with giving yourself this new direction and with experiencing this ‘change’. There’s not really much more to this color, it just stood out. And is kind of a ‘different’ color for you that signified something ‘new’. And it sort of surprised me when I saw it lol so it seemed relevant to share :). It’s like a subtle one but definitely there. Cautiously but surely opening up, as you’re just doing your thing. I mean I don’t really need to tell you this lol, I’m sure that you’re aware of it. But I thought it was pretty damn cool :).