This color is representing a 'pain in your self-relationship'. In terms of how you look at yourself and how you are with yourself. Somehow you've developed a lot of conflict there. So much conflict in fact, that it's pushing you to a point of almost giving up, because all you see is conflict. All you see is all the barriers and walls and sabotage-mechanisms that you need to work on and get through in your relationship with yourself so that you can finally work with yourself rather than against yourself.

And at the end of the day it makes you feel defeated within yourself, because it just looks like so much. So much to work through without even properly knowing how to. So you feel like you're just stuck with all this conflict inside you without knowing what to do with it. And the thing is, there's no quick fix for that. Yes, this is your mind. And you'll have to come to grips with that. Meaning that this is going to be your process, to walk through the challenge of all the self-sabotage and all the ways you go against yourself that you've developed throughout your life. So you need to look at all these points that you're facing and struggling with, like the belief that it's going to be very tough to 'face yourself', the belief that you must have done something very bad, that you have trouble connecting with reality and that you cannot forgive yourself. And realize these are all part of your general 'design'. It's not that you have done something unforgivable or 'bad', but more that you BELIEVE you have. It's not that you truly can't connect with reality, but more that you BELIEVE you can't. It's thoughts and beliefs, things you tell yourself in your mind which then create your reality.

So have a look at all of your 'programs'. Cause those are the ones you'll have to work with. What are all the thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself that cause you to feel sad, hopeless, powerless, inadequate, incapable and conflicted? Basically all the things you tell yourself that make you feel unable to do anything at all. You want to get to the backchat there, in terms of what is in your thoughts. Cause that is your 'programming'. The 'story' that you're living and telling yourself over and over again. 

But here you're working with multiple layers of thoughts and backchat. So you want to be able to see what's on the conscious, the subconscious and the unconscious layer. Which, again, is going to be a process. So don't be discouraged. Work with what you can see right now. Have a look at the emotions of "sad, hopeless, powerless, inadequate, incapable and conflicted" and write down what comes up in terms of what you think about yourself when you look at each of those words. Doing Mind Constructs in DIP Pro also supports, cause you get to see the deeper layers of where you developed these programs, which makes it easier to disengage them. So you could look into doing a mind construct on the topic of 'feeling stuck', which seems to be the programming you're dealing with here. 

And maybe instead of hammering down on trying to work on all this, try to invest more of your time in finding ways that lessen the conflict inside of you. Because that is ultimately the objective. So it's important for you to start becoming aware of when what you're doing to 'support yourself' is actually busy feeding into the conflict with yourself, to then take a step back and so something instead that supports you to release the inner turmoil a bit. And maybe that isn't self-forgiveness and writing. Maybe it's more relaxation techniques or more physical things that support you to focus more on your body than on your mind. So start exploring and finding out what actually supports you, because everybody's different and what works for one person might not necessarily apply to you just cause your mind is programmed differently. The key here is to be aware of your programming, which is inner conflict, and to find ways that work for you. Find ways to be 'kind' with yourself and make things easier for yourself. And try to pinpoint all the ways you notice you aren't being kind with yourself and are making things hard on yourself. It'll be a process to reverse this tendency because you are so used to being abusive towards yourself that it exists on many levels of yourself. So do realize that it will take time. So here as well, give yourself that space and time and patience. Don't put pressure on yourself. Understand that you're going to need time and your going to need patience and space. And you need to give that to yourself. 

Be careful also with comparing yourself with others and realize that you are working with different programming so your process will be different. So you can't expect things of yourself based on what others are doing or saying. You will need to start getting real with where you're at and what is going on within you and start focusing on you more. Because this comparison point is one example of how you make things hard on yourself and create inner conflict. So realize that your conflict is with yourself while most people's conflict is more with the world around them. So focus more on yourself, on nurturing your relationship with yourself and how you treat yourself. In a way that is where you have to 'prove' yourself, in terms of proving that you can change your abusive relationship with yourself into self-support. QCK sessions could also be of support, rather than color readings, in pinpointing the specific programming of self-abuse that you're working with. That's all for now. Please let me know if you're still struggling with anything and I will see if I can support.