There's like a sadness in this color, but a good kind of sadness in a way. The kind of sadness that is a release and a letting go at the same time. Yet, there's also an anger. Like, you don't like being sad. And you're even angry at yourself for being sad. And kind of impatient, like an impatient parent snapping at their child for crying. Saying, 'are you almost done?!'

But you want and need to cry in a way. There's just a lot inside you that needs to be released. It's just that anger keeps standing in the way from being able to properly let go. Like a dam that's blocking the river from flowing. So there's quite a 'tug-of-war' going on inside yourself between what you want, which is to let go, and the reaction of impatience and anger. Almost like you don't know whether what you want is actually what you 'should' do and you're afraid of doing something wrong. And within yourself, you've defined 'crying' and 'sadness' as 'bad' or 'wrong'. Which are these beliefs that you've come to accept in your mind somehow. And you don't really know what's best for you.

So you're just kind of 'stuck' with this sadness inside that you can't release. Like the water is still. It's not flowing. And things are being suppressed and kept inside, that need to be released. So why is the water not flowing? What is the 'dam' made up of? You have to start understanding yourself and what these things inside you are that are causing this stagnation. Otherwise you're going to be stuck with this stagnation forever, never finding any real release. If you don't find a way to break through that dam. And find a way to allow yourself to be sad and not be so hard on yourself for it.

But the anger is in a way not letting you even see the sadness. I mean it's not really an 'anger' anger, but more just this hardness. Or an 'insensitivity', that's come from believing that emotions like sadness are bad. Or are a 'weakness' somehow. So you might not be aware of the sadness but you might be aware of this 'hardness'. Which is like a point of, 'sadness? What do you mean sadness? There's no sadness here.' Like not even wanting to see or consider that you could be 'sad'. So there's quite some layers there to get through so you can see that how you really feel inside is quite 'sad'.

And see that that sadness is a part of you that needs to be felt. Because there's a reason why you feel that way. And you'd be dishonoring yourself if you didn't find out what that reason is. It's a part of you that needs to be heard and paid attention to, because it has a message from the depths of you. A message you've been ignoring for far too long.

So if you're still not entirely sure about this sadness, cause you're not really seeing it, that's Ok. You will, in time. As all things always reveal themselves in time. It certainly is hidden away and suppressed very well. So whether you will see it is up to you, and how interested you are in what's inside you. Whether you will ask the right questions. At the moment you don't seem certain of that just yet. You're still sort of getting to know yourself, your own mind. And are more still walking the superficial dimensions of your existence. So still not aware of many things. But still sort of feeling in the dark, not really sure where to look. But don't be discouraged. You're walking, so you'll get there :)

This color feels very ‘pensive’ and heavy, almost like a headache. Like thinking really hard about something, and ‘breaking your head’ over something. Spending a lot of time in your head, and very much trusting your thinking within looking at reality. Cause you want to be a good person and that’s what it feels like you’re doing. You’re just trying to make sure that you ‘think before you act’ as  you believe that’s what it means to ‘be a good person’. Because it ‘feels right’.

But, feelings can be deceiving. And so can thoughts. You may think thoughts can be trusted, but, have you ever wondered where your thoughts come from? Or why you have thoughts in your head to begin with? Why you don’t trust yourself without thoughts? Why you feel like you need thoughts to be ‘good’? And what is it that makes thoughts so special anyways? They’re just thoughts. Just words and sentences in your head.

Did you know that you can still do everything you’re doing right now without using your thoughts? If anything, you’ll even be more efficient than when you use thoughts. Thoughts in a way slow you down. Thoughts is like a pool of mud that you get stuck in and that slows you down. Thoughts don’t have your best interests at heart. They are a ‘program’. A program coming from your subconscious, and your unconscious mind  - from your childhood, and specifically from moments of ‘trauma’ during your childhood. And thoughts make you hold on to those moments. They make you a ‘slave’ to those moments. They make you exist in fear of ever reliving those moments.

So don’t trust thoughts. You want to rather start questioning your thoughts. Like, ‘hey, where do you come from?’, and then follow the thought to its origin point. The place where that thought originated from. That place inside yourself that’s still actually a scared child just trying to ‘be good’, out of fear of the consequences. And so that’s why you can’t trust thoughts. Because thoughts don’t ever actually deal with the real issues and problems. Because, the real problem is that scared child sitting way deep inside. The real problem is, why has that child not been given attention? Why is that child scared?  Why has that child been neglected? That’s what’s really the matter, and what you should be looking into. The things that thoughts neglect.

Because that is reality. That is the reality that is going on within you, that thoughts won’t show you. But that’s the place you want to get to. The place that’s real inside of you. Where you can see what’s really going on, and you can see who you really are. Cause it’s not thoughts. In fact there’s a whole lot more to you than your thoughts. Thoughts is just the beginning. Like the ‘outer layer’ of you. Who you are is soooo much more than thoughts. But, at the moment still quite entrapped within thoughts. Which is fine, that’s just how it is for now. You’ll figure it out ;)

And now for something a little brighter lol. This color feels like you’re not even there. It feels so light that it’s almost like there is nothing there. Like you are nowhere to be found. Just an empty space. A vacuum. A very very light presence and awareness. Barely noticeable. It is you being extremely, very, very, ‘careful’ within yourself. Treading very lightly. And having barely any footprint. Like walking on a cloud. Or being invisible. It’s like you’re trying to be invisible. Don’t want to be seen. Don’t want to ‘wake the bear’. The ‘bear’ as in, stir any reactions. Don’t want to create ripples in your environment. And so you try to be really quiet.

You don’t want people to react. You just want things to be ‘quiet’. And so you try to create that quiet inside yourself. By almost moving like a ninja lol. Having total control over your environment. As long as you move really quiet and silently, you can almost dance around people’s reactions. You can almost determine and decide when and how people are going to react. Like you know exactly what to do and how to move and which buttons to push and which ones not to push, to have your environment (meaning people) to move in the ways that you want it to.

Quite a skillful art you’ve developed within your life. The art to ‘control’ people, without them even noticing it. Bravo. So is this it? What you have to show for yourself? That, at the end of the day, you have mastered the art of being a ninja at controlling people. I mean it’s impressive, but is it really worth it? Is it worth putting ALL your efforts and all of yourself and your being into it? Is this what you want your life to be about? Because I don’t think it is.

I think that you want your life to be rich and fruitful. Becoming so much more. Becoming everything that you can become, and really exploring the multitude of expression that you could access. Not to make yourself almost disappear, for the sake of ‘people’. Because you are so much more. And you can do so much more. So if anything, your efforts should be going towards yourself, and the ‘more’ that you are able to be and become. Not towards ‘people’. Just imagine if you put all that effort into rather finding out who you can become, and supporting yourself within your expression. Imagine how much more you would be than someone who barely even exists. If you just honored yourself, rather than suppressing yourself.

Cause it’s all in your hands, who you are and will be and become. Whether you stay suppressed or become more than you ever have been or experienced. So take the reins of your life and decide who you want to be, what you want to do and where you want to go. Decide what you want for yourself. It has to be a decision, because even if you don’t decide, it will be decided for you. It just won’t be what’s best for you. Time to ask yourself the hard questions and really look into your life, and look into yourself and ask yourself, ‘who do I want to be?’