There is something 'disingenuous' about this color. A 'hiding behind a mask'. Like you are very used to hiding your real self from people and showing people only what you want them to see. You've made it an 'art' even, meaning that it's really easy for you to do. The art of deception. Of fooling people and sort of playing with all the ways people can be deceived and fooled.

You've become a master and an artist at playing around with people's minds basically. At 'getting away with' anything because you know how to fool and trick people into never suspecting anything. So you never have to take accountability or responsibility for anything, or at least that's how you feel, based on the principle of 'as long as nobody sees what I'm doing then I am in the clear'. And the principle of 'innocent until proven guilty' in a way. Like, as long as other people believe you to be 'innocent' and 'good' and 'pure', then as far as anybody knows, that is who you are. And then you can get away with anything.

You know how to 'play the game' of wearing a mask and pretending to be 'good' and giving other people what it is that they want to see, because you know that's what you need to do to get the things you want. Which is fine in a way because it's sort of all you've ever known. It's how you've grown up and what you learned from your environment, or how you learned to 'survive' in your environment growing up. To be disingenuous and hide things and not be 'honest' and not show your real face. Because when you did you got in trouble.

And people needed to be 'finessed' in a way. You couldn't just 'be you' or 'be real' or 'be straightforward'. People just didn't understand and they took things the wrong way. So you felt you had to learn to 'finesse' people. To speak and interact with people in just the right way for people to sort of 'leave you alone' and so that people wouldn't take things the wrong way. 

Almost as though you had to be a 'curator' of people's emotional reactions. Like you were having to 'filter' people's emotions and find the right way of expressing yourself so as to sift through people's tendency to react to things, so that it wouldn't all get directed to you. But so that people would more leave you in peace and ignore you to an extent. You felt as though you HAD TO become a 'master' at hiding behind a mask and 'playing the game' just because people's minds and emotional reactions seemed so unpredictable and irrational. It's not even necessarily what you WANTED to do per se, but you felt like people just didn't give you a choice. You just did not find a way to 'reason' and 'relate' with people. They were just too 'unreasonable'. Too reactive and emotionally triggered.

And within that, you've kind of become a point of 'calmness'. Just navigating the 'waves' of other people's emotions and reactions. Almost like you just couldn't afford to be reactive yourself because all your energy had to go to finding ways to 'steer' and 'direct' and navigate the minds of the people around you. You had no time, or didn't have the 'privilege', to develop your own 'mind', cause you felt you had to deal with other people's minds all the time and survive in an environment wherein people easily took things the wrong way, and were unpredictable and irrational with their reactions.

So in a way there is a lot of 'space' inside of you. A 'quietness' and a 'silence'. A space wherein you could actually do quite a lot in terms of self-creation and self-expression. Because, this space is not yet 'occupied' like it is with other people, by a 'mind'. And in a way all you have to do is let go of 'other people's minds'. And you will have 'total freedom'. Total freedom to create yourself and express without any limitation.

Because, you may not have had the 'privilege' to develop your own 'mind' throughout your life, BUT that also means that you now have the chance to choose for yourself who you want to be, with nothing holding you back or standing in your way. You just have to be willing to stop deceiving. To stop playing with other people's mind. Stop putting all your focus on other people. And stop existing in fear essentially of other people's reactions.

Because that's what's been limiting you. Accepting other people's limitations as their mind and emotional reactions because you FEAR them. And within this FEAR, you also accepted the belief that you are limited. That your ability to steer and 'finesse' emotional reactions from people is limited to you having to play their game and 'play by their rules' so to speak. While, if you were to let go of this fear, you will actually find that your ability is much greater than you ever realized. That you can play by your own rules and play your own game, in a way that is actually much more effective than playing by the rules of FEAR.

In a way you just need to TRUST yourself. Trust your 'innate abilities'. Your 'intuition' so to speak. 'Survival' is something that actually comes 'naturally'. You don't need FEAR for it. You are already a 'survival machine'. It's in your body's programming. In your DNA. So don't listen to fear. Don't trust it. Fear just makes you believe that you are limited and don't 'naturally' have the ability to 'survive' within your environment. 

So you just need to find a way to 'relax'. As in, stop listening to FEAR, and TRUST yourself. It may sound like a tall order, but really it's just a decision. And in a way your life of allowing other people decide everything about you with their mind, has made you doubt your ability to move yourself through a decision within yourself. It's made you lose trust in yourself. And it's made you sort of lose yourself into the maze of reactions, as if you're 'crushed' under other people's minds and have no power to stand up on your own two feet. And you feel like all the space inside you has been occupied by other people's minds. As if 'you' just don't exist anymore. 

So, you basically need to find 'you' again. Find who 'you' are. And start nurturing that, like a tiny little seed that just needs water and soil to grow bigger. Cause you're in there somewhere. And you just need to find that SEED, however tiny and buried it may be. And start spending more time focusing on nurturing that seed of 'you' than worrying about 'other people'. Time to start placing yourself first.

This color is also showing a form of 'deception'. Of sort of being 'infused' by it. As in it is what you have become. To deceive people, to hide and wear masks. It has become your very 'nature'. BUT that doesn't mean it's something 'bad' per se. It's just the nature of you at this point, and it's just a matter of coming to grips with it. Of facing it and 'being real' with yourself about it. That the very 'core' of you is deception. It's just a point of self-honesty, of being honest with yourself about 'who you are' inside.

Because the thing is, that this 'deception' isn't necessarily the 'real you'. Just like with the previous color, it's more just a consequence of the life that you've lived and the influences from your environment and how you've created yourself as a reaction to your environment. BUT at the same time, it is who and what you've become. So if you want to find out who or what the 'real you' is, it's important to firstly come to grips with who and what you are right now. Who and what you have allowed yourself to be and become throughout your life.

You have to in a way first walk through and face the 'darkness' of yourself, to realize that it was never actually real to begin with. You have to first 'accept' the reality of yourself, to realize that it's not the real you. That it's more this 'inferior version' of yourself that you've become, due to the influences in your life. An 'inferior version' that is based on 'survival'. Something you felt you 'had to' become in order to survive in your environment. A version of you which, yes, is 'evil' in a way. Because yes, obviously 'deception' is not best. BUT it's more an 'evil' that is a consequence of growing up and living in a world that is 'evil'. A world wherein there exists no real support or care or honesty. A world that never really cared about YOU. So then you just kind of become part of the 'evil' of the world as you just try to survive in it. You also become untrustworthy, dishonest, deceptive and uncaring.

So really the only thing you can do is to just accept it all. Just be honest with yourself and accept 'who you are', no matter how 'bad' or 'evil' it seems. Just be like, "It is what it is". And you do have an ability to change, but you have to accept what and how things are first. Stand 'as it' and own up to it.

And realize that 'good' and 'bad' don't really exist. In this world, EVERYONE is 'evil'. Because, everyone is just doing what they have to, to survive. There is no avoiding or getting around being 'evil' in some way if you're living and surviving in this world. The very concept of 'survival' is to be selfish and competitive and inconsiderate of another. And the only way to start changing that is if we start with just being honest and real with ourselves about the 'evil' that we have become through 'survival'. To start 'owning up to' the reality of ourselves. Cause only when we really SEE ourselves, will we realize that 'this is not who we really are', and will we change. Because when you really SEE yourself, and who and what you've become, there is just no way to NOT change. You will realize that to not change is unacceptable.

This is the color of 'buried potential' or 'sleeping potential'. Like that tiny little seed that is buried somewhere very deep inside of yourself. The 'real you' inside yourself which has been 'asleep' and suppressed, but is 'aching' to 'come alive'. It's something yet undefined and unknown, but it's there. Sort of waiting beneath the surface. Waiting to be seen and defined and to be 'given a chance' to come forth and express itself.

But at the same time it's something that still has to be 'created'. But it is the POTENTIAL for something. For whatever you end up creating with and of it. It is just the clay, but you still have to make and mold something of it.

So if you ever were to think that there's no potential for you to change, don't despair. It is there. But it very much depends on the decisions you end up making. Whether you actually CHOOSE to change. And choose to find out what your potential is.

Because obviously you also have the option to not change. That is always a choice that's here for you to make. To keep things the same and choose to continue as you have been. It is all in your hands. And then you will never know who you 'could be'. The 'you' that has yet to be created. I mean you could just turn away and pretend that you never became aware of anything. That there isn't something within you that knows 'something is up'. And just silence that deep knowing inside yourself. It would be easy to do. To pretend like any awareness was 'just a dream'. Nothing to lie awake for.

And a part of you wants to, just stop digging and go back to 'business as usual'. And pull that blanket of 'normalcy' back over yourself. Because you know that once you decide to venture into this process of finding out who you really are, there is no stopping. And everything about you will change. So right now you feel like you still have a 'choice'. Like you can still 'back out' and just choose not to, and pretend like you never became aware of anything. To just 'go back to sleep'.

It's just a self-protection mechanism of your mind. And just remember that whenever all of a sudden 'the way things have always been' seems 'alluring' and 'inviting' and 'tempting', and you feel like you just want to give up on everything else that you were busy doing to just go back to 'the way things were' and forget about everything else - it's your mind's defense mechanisms kicking in. Because in fact, you were on to something. You were starting to 'wake up'. You were starting to see things as they really are. So the mind will just intensify its 'prison bars' and will make you feel like the mind is what you WANT. But that's when you have to push through and remind yourself of what you were busy becoming aware of, and not let the mind distract you. 

The mind definitely doesn't have your best interests at heart and will only show you what it wants you to see in the moment, to keep you away from making certain decisions. So just trust yourself and trust your 'intuition'. You're already on the right path, so just keep walking.